Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
