I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
