pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
