Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
