Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
