What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
