It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
as a side note pls kill me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize