Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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