is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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