everyone is single if you try hard enough
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
