maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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