there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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