moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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