i wish there were pregnant emoticons
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
