Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
