...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
