plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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