i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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