How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize