Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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