If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
