Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
