i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
