Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
