I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
