Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize