It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
