Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize