omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize