It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're too hungover to prance.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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