i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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