You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
