i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
