Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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