I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
