yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
