please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
