I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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