turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
