so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
