You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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