Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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