Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
