I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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