no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
