I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize