We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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