my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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