I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
