First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
