Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
