i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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