you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize