Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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