i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Come on in and take your pants off
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