even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
