I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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