Where is the hickey?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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