it hurts more in the daytime
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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