I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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