You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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