i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
