This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
