can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
