dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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