how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
