I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found puke in my bra..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How does one acquire holy water?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
